H.
Half-Life: The amount of time it takes for something to reach half it's original value. A measure of exponential decay. Possessed by Democracy.
Hamburger: A sandwich, a preference for which indicates that one is either a member of the ruling or courtesan class or remains a citizen.
The hamburger itself is rather benign in nature, a meat (or vegetable matter) patty between two buns that may be covered with some salad ingredients and basic condiments. The bifurcation lies within the price. Those who are forced to typically eat fast-food (read: cheap) hamburgers are members of the citizenry and their choice is roundly scorned by the ruling class who prefer their burgers to be constructed of free-range, organic beef and accompanied with fancy-sounding condiments and a high price. The latter type of burger is a favorite lunch-time meal of the FoodBorg.
Happy: An emotional state of dubious reality.
Harris County: A government agency designed to handle roads, policing and maintenance within the Greater Houston Area where the City of Houston does not wish to operate. A place for Republicans, primarily, to reward their members of the courtesan class.
Harris County Commissioners: Feudal Lords.
Harris County Democratic Party: A political organization that schedules talks and meetings for those who subscribe to progressive political ideals who have little to no social options otherwise.
Harris County Education Department: An appendix that has become infected and which needs to be surgically removed.
Harris County Judge: The titular head of the ruling class in Harris County government whose primary job is to distribute the largesse provided by the taxpayers to members and affiliates of the courtesan class.
Harris County Republican Party: Formerly: A political organization whose sole function seemed to be to provide Jared Woodfill with a distraction from his hair. Currently: Political entertainment for those with limited or no social options elsewhere.
Harris County Sports Authority: A slush-fund for Billionaires.
Heights (The): The geographical center of Houston's growing progressive Caucasian courtesan class. The triumph of location over common sense.
Help: Something the ruling class views they need to do in order to save the citizens from themselves. A warning, rather than an action. (Example: We're here to help you)
HER Ordinance: Officially, the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance which was soundly rejected by voters in the November 2015 elections.
HER Ordinance, also known as 'Parker's Folly' was so poorly crafted, and defended, that the Texas Supreme Court was forced to step in and force an election on it's adoption. It suffered from an identity crisis in that it didn't exactly grant rights (Which do not come from the government) but offered special accommodation for classes Annise Parker liked. It will go down in history not as a milestone for Human Rights but as a case-study in how not to craft legislation.
Heterosexual: A micro-aggression.
History: Opinion presented as Gospel Truth.
Homeless: There are no more homeless in Houston. Annise Parker has declared the problem to be solved within the city limits. Therefore, any people that you do see sleeping in the streets are simply mistaken.
Homosexual: A micro-aggressed.
Houston: A massive inferiority complex contained within ever-expanding city limits.
Houston Area Leadership Vacuum: An ever-expanding result of single-party rule.
To suggest the HALV exists is one thing, to realize that it is expanding and is part of TheMachine that constantly needs to be fed is another thing altogether. In fact, the HALV is so big, at this point, that it has taken on a life of it's own and appears to have no end.
Houston Astros: The Major League Baseball team for Houston. On the ascendency.
Houston Chronicle: 1. The former newspaper of record in Houston. 2. A chronicler of Houston history as told by progressives who make up a vast majority of the paper's staff. 3. A member of Houston's courtesan class who finally found a way to place an Editor as chair of a Pulitzer Prize committee which then awarded itself the prize. 4. THE place, in Houston, to find items that were cool around six months ago.
Houston Chronicle Editorial Board: A group (primarily Caucasian) who make up the newspapers appendix which has infected and needs to be surgically removed.
Houston City Council: Seemingly members of the ruling class who are actually courtesans but are ignorant of the fact.
Houston Complete Streets: An effort to convince Houstonians that what has worked successfully to this point is somehow totally incorrect. A refusal to accept reality. (and weather)
Houston Department of Public Works: Where the sidewalk(s) end.
Houston Dynamo: Houston's Minor League Soccer team the leadership of which convinced The Harris County Sports Authority and Houston Government to build them a play-palace in EaDo.
Houston First: Proof that good marketing is hard, and that there is very little of it in Houston.
Houston Government: A credit card that has reached it's max, is nearing default but which, amazingly, still seems to be accepting charges.
Houston Greenways Initiative: Something the unproductive class has created to pass the time between reimagining sessions.
Houston Housing Authority: Dysfunction masquerading as a government agency.
Houston Mayor: The titular head of the Houston ruling class whose primary function is to distribute the largesse of the taxpayers to preferred courtesans.
Houston METRO: Most importantly, NOT a transit organization. A development entity designed to inflate property values for developers who have made bets along proposed corridors.
Houston Oilers: Former National Football League team for Houston whose owner provided the template for running out of State to Texas Democrats. Bud Adams ran to Tennessee, the Democrats ran to Ardmore. It's unclear who is smarter.
Houston Press: A sad reminder that alt-media once existed in Houston.
Houston Pride: 1. (homosexual)A parade, now held downtown, in which the micro-aggressed take the opportunity to remind everyone that they are not only here, but queer. And then something about getting used to it. 2. (political) The last refuge of the scoundrels in the ruling class.
In actuality, the Houston Pride Parade and Festival is one of the better organized events in the city. It is also one of the better attended protests in a city that does not typically do that type of thing well. It is the subject of much derision from the Harris County Republican Party however, mainly because a majority of their voters don't like it. It receives much support from Harris County Democrats and, as such, is really nothing more than a partisan event these days. Colorful though.
Houston Rockets: Houston's National Basketball Association member whose most exciting moments occurred in the mid-90's. This has allowed the owner to ride the good-will from those championships long past their expiration date.
Houston Texans: Replacement players while the Houston Oilers are on-strike in Tennessee. See also: Mediocre)
Houston Tomorrow: See Gulf Coast Institute.
Houston (University of): An institute of higher learning whose inferiority complex is only slightly smaller than that of it's namesake.
Houstonians: Citizens who reside within the city limits of Houston either through choice, or because they simply have no better option.
Houtopia: A whimsical version of Houston that does not, cannot, and will not ever exist.
The problem with Houtopia is that, like food deserts, it's definition is poorly defined and constantly changing. In reality, Houtopia is the search for world classiness by members of the ruling class.
Hyperlocal: Something media outlets pretend to be in between stories of crime in Chicago and reports if Jesus' image appearing on toast in Delaware.
