There are times when it's OK to wonder if the Houston Chronicle even wants some people to continue to read their product......
Ode to the Ignorant. Sarah Cress, Gray Matters, HoustonChronicle.com ($$$)
The problem then is not the news media, their reporting (or lack of) on certain issues but you. You're responsible for not buying an antiquated form of news and spending time you don't have perusing the used car ads, stories about gardening and other diversions to find the stories they say they are reporting on the upper left hand corner on page A-36, in a section marked "briefs"
What you do, you simp, is go to Google and perform a search, which brings up dozens of stories about the same thing in alt-media which doesn't require sifting through an article the Bieber concert to try and find out what, of import, is going on in the world.
Instead, you knuckle-dragging mouth-breather, you take the newspaper and use it to line your birdcage, or as tinder for your Gaia-choking backyard barbecue, blissfully unaware that the page you're setting alight could educate you on the fact that Pass & Provisions has a communal hand-washing area in their bathrooms.
If your non-craft beer-swilling, pot-bellied uneducated beings could just focus for one second, in spite of your ADD brought on by, I don't know, eating non-gourmet hot dogs or something, then you would see that the articles tell you why Norwegians think Texas is crazy.
In all areas of communication technology is moving things forward. How dare you, you uneducated farce of a human being, dare to demand that news technology progress as well. Don't you remember the "good old days?" Those heady days when people used to sit at their breakfast table and spend an hour (or three) reading the newspaper? Of course, the races were segregated then and the general wealth of the nation was worse off, but ignore all that.
The newspaper, that bastion of enlightened thinking and champion and last refuge of the Courtier class, is here to educate you, you ignorant, classless, uncultured waste of human DNA, on everything you need to know.
Now, if you don't mind....... please spend a few minutes clicking through broken links and slideshows to increase our click-count which allows us to provide even more well-hidden news buried deep in the dead-tree edition that you're likely too gormless to understand anyway.
Fortunately for you, we have people smarter than you, hidden behind our paywall, who can 'splain things to you. (As a matter of fact, we're so sure she's smarter that we placed an editor as chair of the panel that awarded her a Pulitzer. We know you won't see through that, because you are all ignorant doofs incapable of rational thought anyway).
We thank you for your subscription.
Sincerely,
The Editors
