There is a dream that is Houston. To paraphrase Richard Harris, acting as Marcus Aurelius in the movie Gladiator, a dream that is only a whisper, if you dare say it, it will fade away.
It's a dream envisioned by developers, who stand to make ship-loads of money building luxury high-rise apartment buildings and David Crossley of Houston Tomorrow. It's shared by most of what passes for leadership in Houston as well as most of the city's power players.
This dream is a urban city, modeled on Paris, consisting of dense, urban development inside the Loop where pretty, predominantly Caucasian, young professionals traipse from a open air vegetable market to a patio coffee shop to sip java and surf the web on iApple products while streetcars and trains trundle lazily by. It's a Houston that is downtown centric, where the city's power players rub elbows with the city's exciting class. A place where wide sidewalks co-exist seamlessly with multi-modal "complete" streets that have green-painted cycling lanes full to bursting with healthy, pretty people and mass transit zipping by those insipid enough to choose to try and drive along one-lane roads requiring stoppages (to let cyclists, trains and pedestrians by) frequently enough that only hybrids and electric cars are an option.
Sadly, it was a dream held by the Houston Chronicle who appear to now be on the outside looking in. This is painful to them because they've done so much heavy writing to support, to advocate for this dream. It was envisioned that the reporters would be ambling around in 60's clothing taking an almost beatnik approach to the news. They would speak to politicians, Metro board members and advocacy groups in street-side wine bars, discussing the important matters of the day as the hustle and bustle of downtown commerce erupted in a cacophony around them.
Unfortunately, a slight hiccup is occurring on the road to Houtopia, and it's quite a serious problem.
For one, those that are most dependent on bus service are objecting to Christof Spieler's attempts to reimagine Metro's bus service away from them and toward supporting the Houston Dream. This is a big problem because the presence of the old and infirm do not create an idyllic setting for either a bus wedding or tourists riding from hotels to transit centers to catch trains and streetcars that will ultimately drop them off at a stadium or convention center.
Second, those who can't afford to shop at a boutique shoppe peddling bowls hand-made from wood reclaimed from suburban dwellings are discovering that all of the money being spent to prop up the wealthy in the middle are threatening to leave the outside shell of Houtopia a rotting, underdeveloped husk. It is, of course, to the great chagrin of the unproductive class that the poor and, mostly, minority communities who are not targets for gentrification cannot get on board with Houtopia, either through stubbornness or (more likely) ignorance of the benefits of world classiness to the courtier class.
So, once again, it seems that it falls to Your Drink Order Please to offer up a sensible solution. Fortunately, I spent a couple of minutes mulling this over and believe that I have the perfect solution in mind.
Ship all of the nay-sayers to Kingwood.
Think about it. Kingwood has pretty homes with lush lawns and only slightly deteriorating roads that can be navigated by either pedestrians, or by automobile. It is not, yet, a food desert, and there is plenty of space to build temporary residences in the back-yards of those greedy suburbanites who still persist on believing that the automobile is a viable mode of transportation.
It's also, due to annexation, firmly inside the city limits so these newly transplanted residents can vote, and the influx of traditionally Democratic voters means that at least one traditionally conservative City Council seat is sure to flip and be filled by a Houtopian with wisdom and vision.
Sure, you're going to have to throw people a bone or two. Metro can spare a bus route and Houston's next Mayor can promise a community center once "funds are found". Given the state of City finances we all realize this is an empty promise but the proletariat won't. As a matter of fact, if played right, and if we can limit these people's access to news, this campaign promise can become evergreen, being recycled every election cycle before being locked up in the basement alongside Metro's failed promise to increase bus service by 50%.
I really do think that this is the only option that will make everyone happy. Well, except for those who find themselves relocated, and the people of Kingwood who might be a little peeved that residents of traditionally underserved neighborhoods are camping in their yards. If only they would look at it from a Houtopian perspective, perhaps they could understand that they've been moved into a huge greenspace (vital for happiness) and that they are now able to live a hearty life free of the worries of urban decay.
I'm sure someone at Houston Tomorrow can get on this. It's not as if they have anything pressing to do.
