Don't let your car choose the restaurant. Scott Vogel, Houstonia (Yes, they're still in business)
The only thing more interesting than the car-bound faces trudging down Post Oak Blvd. these days are the car-bound faces flying through Midtown. I take peculiar pleasure in watching the latter, especially the slack-jawed visages of suburbanites gawking at the pedestrian-friendly urban village taking shape on the other side of the glass, at strangers conversing while their dogs sniff each other, at neighbors biking home with fresh produce in their baskets, at restaurants where there’s no question as to who got the best parking space or if it’s time to take away Doug’s keys. Though clearly on the ascendant, the urban Houstonian still leaves the exurban one gobsmacked, and yet they feel drawn to Midtown anyway, mesmerized by its inevitability.
It's amazing that, in the 4th (soon to be the 3rd) largest city in America the best we can do when it comes to food criticism spits out that.
While I realize that there are a lot of Inner Loop Houstonians who believe that society in Houston begins and ends inside Houston's inner-most ring-road (while, oddly, disparaging New Yorkers who believe the same about the Five Boroughs) it's jarring to see that a publication supposedly marketing to the Houston region, is so dismissive of those who live in outlying areas. And is it really necessary to insult the intelligence of over half of your readers?
You could forgive the writer his insular world view would that he offer something new. Sadly:
I am not above this sort of culinary snobbery myself, and though I stop short at foraging for morels in the Hill Country, do pride myself on locavoring whenever possible.
Yes, locavoring. He might as well have just thrown in a Food Network show or three to get the new trendy food from 5 years ago. I'm not writing here to pick on Scott Vogel. He's got a paid writing gig while I pound out this dreck for free so take that into consideration. But I am concerned that the restaurant review in Houston is all coming from the same place: The FoodBorg, and that's concerning.
For a long time Houston was spoiled. Both Alison Cook and Robb Walsh (working for the Houston Chron and Houston Press respectively) sat and dined and told us about it in entertaining and enlightening fashion. Their reviews came with an experienced palate, some honest feedback and writing styles that were fun to read. Sadly, Walsh is a restaurant owner now and Cook seems to spend more time in her home state of Vermont than in Houston, and her current stories are indicative of that. She also spends as much time feuding with other restaurant critics and foodies than writing reviews (Full disclosure, she also recently feuded with me, growing tired of my constant Chron criticism). This leads me to believe that she will be on her way out soon as well.
Unfortunately, there's no one on the current Chron roster that seems suited to take her place.
Greg Morago is more of a food history, story writer. Syd Kearney is an events writer. JC Reid does a good job writing about Bar-B-Q but he's really just a copy of Texas Monthly's Bar-B-Q Snob. Amazingly, Elizabeth Pudwill is listed as "reader rep" and "columnist" a dichotomy that makes little sense and the two beverage writers Dale Robertson and Ronnie Crocker are a below-average sports writer and very good beer blogger respectively. I'm not sure anyone in that lineup will be able to fill the role when Cook finally decides to leave.
Even worse is the State of food writing at the Houston Press. Where former wanna-be "blue" comedian (she made a lot of fart jokes on Twitter and her blog) Phaedra Cook offers up this interesting non-question:
At Peli-Peli, showmanship sometimes overwhelms essentials, like price. Phaedra Cook, Houston Press
There’s a mystery to unravel, though. Peli Peli is a South African restaurant, so why is it featuring a Portuguese dish? Portugal is near Morocco — northern Africa — adjacent to Spain and separated from the African continent by the Gulf of Cádiz. Regardless, a South African restaurant including a Portuguese dish isn’t farfetched. The Portuguese first explored the coast of southern Africa in the late 15th century and, to this day, that history remains a significant part of South African culture.
Based on that there's not really a mystery to unravel at all. South
I don't think so.
But the Press has long since stopped being an alt-media site with a strong food section, transforming instead to a listicle driven snark-site with some FoodBorg writing and pictorials. The same can be said for the Chronicle as well.
At the bottom of the current barrel is CultureMap: Houston. Who seem to have a fixation with reviewing a restaurant without actually tasting, or telling us anything, about the food itself. I'm not even sure if you can call what they're currently doing "restaurant review" in a classical sense. But this site has always been more about flash than substance anyway, so maybe we shouldn't be all that surprised.
At least at the other news outlets there are glimpses of good. For example (from the linked stories above)
Alison Cook:
A deftly seasoned molcajete full of chunky guacamole sparkles with just the right notes of sea salt, jalapeño, onion and lime. House-made corn tortillas are worthy, pliable specimens with an engagingly pebbled texture. Creamy charro beans bask in an expansive bacon broth that's called out on the menu by the pedigree of the gluten-free Daura Damm beer (I am not making this up) with which it's simmered.
(One quibble, it's Daura Gluten-free beer by Estrella Damm)
Scott Vogel:
One does not savor cauliflower, that most nondescript of brassicas, you will say. Ah, but one does, especially when swirled with a creamy pancetta sauce, bread crumbs and asparagus before being topped with a fried egg. North Italia casts a similar spell over another homely vegetable, by the way, zucchini, creating a winning appetizer out of lightly fried, paper-thin slices of it. Zucca chips they are called, and your table will fight over them.
Phaedra Cook:
The skewer of thick chunks of seared beef fillet dangles from a metal framework, dripping garlicky meat juices on the platter of side dishes below. There’s a well of more warm, chopped garlic at the top of the skewer. A generous, deep green pile of sautéed baby spinach (with more garlic) and a neat scoop of the mash of carrots and potatoes, called carrot bredie, benefit from the infusion of jus dripping off the beef. How popular is this dish? During a Thursday night dinner in Peli Peli Galleria’s raucous bar area, every single booth along the back wall sported a skewer of espetada. A hearty Portuguese beef dish served in a South African restaurant in a posh shopping mall? Welcome to Houston, the world’s most wonderful melting pot.
Also:
Some dishes, like the espetada, are the equals of the magnificent interior design. Others are sad mockeries of what they’re supposed to be, like the unseasoned osso buco hidden under an ugly pile of nondescript vegetable mush with a sharp, broken shank bone jutting out the side. That’s unforgivable for a $36 dish.
It was ordered alongside kingklip, a fish rarely seen in the United States that produces thick white fillets similar to cod or haddock. The planks of fish were thick, firm, perfectly cooked and cleverly topped with chopped scallops. However, the fish was so salty that it would have been a joy to send half of the seasoning over to the bland lamb shank.I include the following examples for two reasons. 1. There IS still some writing talent in Houston when it comes to food and 2. I've been accused of being too negative (no, really...me) and not pointing out the good. So, there you go.
So, there's hope. Possibility even. But it's buried under a sea of condescension so deep you can't get through to the main course without spelunking gear and long descent. It's making the writing unreadable and it needs to stop. The sooner the better. Because for all of the good food and drink in Houston you are often finding out more about it from out of town publications.
However, writers should not be afraid to point out the bad either. As much as we hate to admit it there are places, popular restaurants even, who serve up food and drink to the quality that you wonder what all of the fuss is about. So with those thoughts in mind I offer up the following to Houston's food writers in hopes of a better future.
1. Don't insult the intelligence of your readers. In many cases, they're much smarter than you think they are. Yes, even the ones who make the decision to live outside the confines of Loop 610. We're not surprised that Midtown Houston is becoming more urban (Goodness knows a lot of our taxpayer money is going to make it that way) and we're not surprised to find out that the culinary traditions of one country might be influenced by the culinary traditions of another.
2. Get back to the basics. How does the restaurant look, what is the ambiance, how is the wine list, the service, do you need reservations and, most importantly, does the food taste good and is it worth the money? These things should take up 97% of your article. If you don't think it can then you haven't visited a restaurant enough times. Go for it, you're on expense account.
3. Don't be afraid to be a contrarian. Just because a restaurant is popular does not mean it's good. In my experience there are a group of people who will suck down gray-water if they think it's what they should do.
4. But don't be a contrarian for contrarian's sake either. Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's bad. It's your job as a critic to tell us whether or not the restaurants in town are worth the trouble and price.
5. For goodness' sake stop the bickering. I realize that this means we're going to have to do something about Cleverley Stone. I'm open to ideas.
I realize that, by writing this, I open myself up to criticism. You see, I tried restaurant review writing before and was HORRIBLE at it. My problem is three-fold: 1. I don't eat out a lot (I cook myself) 2. I have a hard time remembering to take pictures of my food. and 3. I'm not real creative when describing food. While a good writer might describe a piece of brisket as "succulent and rich, redolent with hickory aroma and possessing a full smoke ring the size of Atlanta" I'm more likely to say "it was good brisket". But they say that those who can't, criticize. So here it is. And what I can do is read. As a matter of fact I enjoy reading, and writing, especially when the subject (food and restaurants) is something that interests me.
Of course, there's also the problem that, when criticizing someone's writing, they take it personal. And that's OK too. One good thing for all of these writers is that the readership of YDOP is relatively small. In that case I'm probably just writing a post that few are going to read which will drive no change.
That's the story of my blogging life. Which tells you all you need to know really.
**Note: E-mailer Crystal Lee pointed out the above, since corrected typo/error. YDOP thanks her and adds her name to our ever-growing list of unpaid editors. We, of course, regret the error.
