OK, you get the point.
I thought it wise to take a minute and think about the things that we're thankful for. Maybe, for some, it's little things, maybe, for others, it's big things. The point is that we're all thankful for something, unless of course you're currently reading this blog with your foot trapped in a bear trap while being stung by bees and a family of hungry grackles is sizing up your right eye for dinner. OK, then you might not be all that thankful.
But, for the rest of us, even those of us in the Houston area, we have cause to be thankful for something. If you're having trouble thinking of anything we here at YDOP are here to help. So, without Further Ado........
Harris County Democrats: Well, this one is obvious, you're thankful that the last round of straight-ticket voting, coupled with some truly awful candidates (#firestanstanart Orlando Sanchez, etc.) and entrenched entitlement (Hi!! Ed Emmett!!!) have pretty much left you with a hammer-lock on county governance that's only slightly got you sweating because a) another flood event is surely coming and Sylvester Turner won't be able to rely on Emmett to bail him out this time and b) Oh shit, you actually have to govern!
The important bit to realize however is that you ARE in power so that should make your Tofurky and organically sourced, vegan side-dishes tasted almost a little-less like processed sawdust this year.
Harris County GOP: OK, I have to admit this was a tough one. But after much thought coupled with a weekend away in Lake Charles ruminating over vodka sodas (I'm lying, I didn't think about it at all) I've come up with a winner:
Be thankful that, because his law-offices were raided and stacks of documents removed, you're not going to have to live through an insufferable Jared Woodfill challenge of Paul Simpson's chairmanship. Congratulations for that. Of course, you're basically completely out of power now so winning the chair will feel a little like being named the Ringmaster of Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey's Circus AFTER it got shuttered but hey....avoiding that mess is something right?
Mayor Sylvester Turner: You should be thankful that no-one who really matters has figured out yet that not only are you in WAY over your head here but also that you've not yet run out of political patrons who have supported your long career and will be wanting to reap the rewards of your victory before your next go-round.
Senator Whitmore hasn't come calling with his cronies yet and, believe me, after a lifetime in Texas politics he has a LOT of them who will be wishing to wet their beaks in the milk and honey of your victory. And hey, you get to keep collecting the rain tax for your
Houston Fire Department: Be thankful that the few of you who remain on the job after Mayor Turner enacts his revenge should be getting a rather large pay-raise. You might want to spend this holiday season buttering up the current fire chief because he's going to be coming along with an axe soon to breaks some windows.
Another thing for which you should be thankful is that you appear to be fairly organized, and fairly harmonious in your opinions within the union. It might help to channel that to form an early coalition around who you want to support in the next Mayoral race.
Houston Police Department: This one is simple. Be thankful that it surely won't be much longer before your anti-police Police Chief decides he's made enough progressive policy Tweets and decides to leave for a run for higher office.
Police Chief Acevedo: Be Thankful that you've made enough progressive policy Tweets that soon you'll be a viable candidate for higher office and can leave Houston to return to San Antonio. I know we'll be thankful for that.
HISD School Board: Be thankful that it's the Holidays and people will stop paying attention to your corruption and dysfunction long enough for you to find an interim Superintendent who will be willing to rubber stamp your pet projects, your nepotism in hiring, and your generally awful stewardship of Houston's youth education.
Houston Chronicle: Be thankful you're still in business. That is all. I'd say something else but everything seems so excessive beyond that.
Houston Texans: Be Thankful that, even though he's not the greatest coach, Bill O'Brien appears to have hired a voodoo high priestess to put a spell on opposing coaches causing them to make exactly the wrong decisions in key moments, almost gifting you wins.
Houston Rockets: Be Thankful Carmelo Anthony is gone. and be thankful that Daryl Morey finally realized what an idiotic decision bringing him on was in the first place.
Houston Astros: Be Thankful that you're still the current best professional sports franchise in Houston, that you're still ran by competent management and that you still have a chance over the next couple of years to snag a World Series title or two.
Houston City Council: Be Thankful that Houston has a strong-Mayor form of government that hides your deficiencies behind those of Mayor Turner. Yes, we all know you're not very good, we just don't care much because you don't have any power to speak of.
And finally......
Houston-Area Political Bloggers: Be Thankful that Your Drink Order Please has returned to active blogging. Because now the title of "Worst Local Blogger" is sewn up for at least as long as I want to keep this going.
Happy Thanksgiving y'all. Spare a soy plant, eat a real turkey.
