Here we go again Houston, another 'national' figure has made some disparaging remarks about our fair region (this time in Dallas) and, according to our triumvirate of media suck (The Chronicle, CultureMap Houston and Houstonia) this is something we need to get hot and bothered about because rivalry with Dallas...something, something. To their credit, so far as I can find, the Houston Press has deemed this to be the non-story that it is.
The biggest problem with Conan's ditty is that, much like his show over the last year, it wasn't very funny. And I say this as one that liked Conan and used to be a semi-regular viewer of his show. During the entire Leno affair I was on Conan's side. While he is certainly unorthodox he can also be, at times, very witty and bitingly funny. As is too often the case lately however, his jokes are falling flat.
The real offense here is that Conan took a huge swing at a city with a ton of comic potential, and missed badly. To whit:
- Houston is a city that is way too concerned about what others think of us. It's true. Human nature perhaps, but true nevertheless. If you want to anger a member of Houston's non-productive class try telling them that another city has something over us, that we don't have enough walkers, that we're sprawled out, that New York City has more public transportation, that Dallas is on TV more even. The smallest slight over the most insignificant thing is sure to bring hilarity.
- Our political leaders have zero vision. Hell, we can't even procure funding for a New Year's Eve celebration. As local-small-time political star Carol Alvarado once said, we get "evented out". Can you imagine New York deciding they just didn't want to do the whole Times Square ball drop one year? Exactly.
- We have under 20 miles of light rail. Let that sink in for a minute. Because considering what a petty amount we have it's certainly given an inordinate amount of attention by the non-productive and leadership set. What we have the potential for is a (pardon the phrase) world-class bus system but there's no political will to build it out because it's just not 'cool'.
- The Houston Astros/Texans. 'Nuff said.
- When you do hear about the Light Rail, it's typically in relation to cars/pedestrians/bicyclists slamming into it.
- Metro's procurement history.
- The Ike Dike is something being taken seriously.
- People are actively lobbying for more to ride their bicycles to work, in August.
- The Crossley family.
All of the above were target rich environments that Conan could have chosen to attack. Instead, he attacks our smog (which, is still better than the smog in LA, where Conan hails from) and our oil and gas industry which is, you know, actually creating jobs and wealth. These are not things to get worked up over but they are reasons to point fingers at Conan and laugh our collective asses over.
For Conan, ratings are falling faster than Houston's reputation. So, there's that as well.
