The New (Revised) Houston Political Dictionary (Version 4.1.208) [Part Five]

I.

I: Lisa Falkenberg's absolute favorite word of all the words. Used more often in her writing than "the".

IAH: Officially, Houston Intercontinental Airport. In reality: A key cog in Houston's business community whose primary purpose has been obscured by City Hall in an attempt to promote New Urbanism.

Idea: Actually, there are none of these anymore dreamt up by the ruling class. In fact, most ideas come from the private sector are then recycled and pushed back out to the citizens as tax incentives.

Identification: A plastic card signifying that the State 1. believes you are who you claim to be and 2. that you have paid them enough money for them to issue verification of that fact. 

Identification (Gender): The only proper answer to the survey question is Sex: "Occasionally"

Identification (Race): Another box on a survey whose sole purpose is to convince a bureaucrat that racial quotas have been fulfilled without them actually having to do any verification of the fact.

Idiocy: See common sense.

Illness: Usually cured by rest. Often a problem that the ruling class believes can be eliminated with a costly government solution.

Imagination: Outlawed, except in cases of extreme budgetary difficulty.

Imagine: Something the unproductive class likes to do very much. Better than working.

Inbred: An insult typically leveled at one's political opposites to show the backward thinking surrounding their political beliefs. Taken in historical context this makes little sense.

Income: The primary purpose of the State is to extract as much of this from the citizenry as possible without damaging the incumbency.

Incumbency: God of the ruling class. Worship of other deities is strictly forbidden.

Inequality: A method for preserving incumbency by convincing the have-nots that it is not the ruling class whose shoddy governance has led to their state but the rich who have rigged a game that is not being actively played.

Inmates: A political tool to be used only around election season when suddenly the ruling class tries to convince the citizens that how they are treated is a reflection of modern society because of a quote made by a Russian author whose works few have actually ever read.

International Trade: A bogeyman pulled out of the closet, dusted off and given a shave by populist politicians when they believe that the citizens are not buying their stump speeches and need to be presented with new villains in order to scare them into voting for the correct candidate.

Internet: Once held up as a sign of inequality that needed to be addressed which has now morphed into a political afterthought due, primarily, to the realization that food deserts are fuzzier concepts that have more opportunities for cronyism in the fix.

Irradiated: We don't like to think of our food as being doused with radiation, despite the fact that this practice has been proven to prevent food borne illness and a host of other maladies. Instead we prefer to put America's food safety program in the hands of minimum-wage workers and then become very irritated when they fail.

Irritated: Mayor Parker's perpetual emotional state when the peons dared disagree with her.


J.

Jade Helm: A political Rorschach Test for idiocy.

Jalapeño: The triumph of marketing over taste.  We all know that Serrano peppers taste much better.

January: The first month in the calendar year which, for some reason makes us think that the actions of the past will not repeat themselves in the future. 

Jewelry: Adornments primarily designed to distract from the fact that one's plastic surgery did not go entirely as planned.

Journalism: The Dodo Bird of professional skills.

Journalist: 1. Former professional name for news reporter. 2. Current term used to describe Internet content engineers whose grades weren't good enough to procure employment elsewhere.

Judgment: In a court of law, judgment is the key factor that keeps the legal machine churning. In polite society we use it to reinforce our own sense of superiority over our fellow citizens.

Jury: 12 people to dumb to find a bias in the case allowing them to avoid serving on one who could potentially then be asked to pass judgment on complex financial matters.

Just Cause: An pronoun that always proceeds the forced takings of income from the citizenry.

The New (Revised) Houston Political Dictionary (Version 4.1.208) [Part Four]

H.

Half-Life: The amount of time it takes for something to reach half it's original value. A measure of exponential decay. Possessed by Democracy.

Hamburger: A sandwich, a preference for which indicates that one is either a member of the ruling or courtesan class or remains a citizen.

The hamburger itself is rather benign in nature, a meat (or vegetable matter) patty between two buns that may be covered with some salad ingredients and basic condiments. The bifurcation lies within the price. Those who are forced to typically eat fast-food (read: cheap) hamburgers are members of the citizenry and their choice is roundly scorned by the ruling class who prefer their burgers to be constructed of free-range, organic beef and accompanied with fancy-sounding condiments and a high price.  The latter type of burger is a favorite lunch-time meal of the FoodBorg.

Happy: An emotional state of dubious reality.

Harris County: A government agency designed to handle roads, policing and maintenance within the Greater Houston Area where the City of Houston does not wish to operate. A place for Republicans, primarily, to reward their members of the courtesan class.

Harris County Commissioners: Feudal Lords.

Harris County Democratic Party: A political organization that schedules talks and meetings for those who subscribe to progressive political ideals who have little to no social options otherwise.

Harris County Education Department: An appendix that has become infected and which needs to be surgically removed.

Harris County Judge: The titular head of the ruling class in Harris County government whose primary job is to distribute the largesse provided by the taxpayers to members and affiliates of the courtesan class.

Harris County Republican Party: Formerly: A political organization whose sole function seemed to be to provide Jared Woodfill with a distraction from his hair. Currently: Political entertainment for those with limited or no social options elsewhere.

Harris County Sports Authority: A slush-fund for Billionaires.

Heights (The): The geographical center of Houston's growing progressive Caucasian courtesan class. The triumph of location over common sense.

Help: Something the ruling class views they need to do in order to save the citizens from themselves. A warning, rather than an action. (Example: We're here to help you)

HER Ordinance: Officially, the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance which was soundly rejected by voters in the November 2015 elections.

HER Ordinance, also known as 'Parker's Folly' was so poorly crafted, and defended, that the Texas Supreme Court was forced to step in and force an election on it's adoption. It suffered from an identity crisis in that it didn't exactly grant rights (Which do not come from the government) but offered special accommodation for classes Annise Parker liked. It will go down in history not as a milestone for Human Rights but as a case-study in how not to craft legislation.

Heterosexual: A micro-aggression.

History:  Opinion presented as Gospel Truth.

Homeless: There are no more homeless in Houston. Annise Parker has declared the problem to be solved within the city limits. Therefore, any people that you do see sleeping in the streets are simply mistaken.

Homosexual: A micro-aggressed.

Houston: A massive inferiority complex contained within ever-expanding city limits.

Houston Area Leadership Vacuum: An ever-expanding result of single-party rule.

To suggest the HALV exists is one thing, to realize that it is expanding and is part of TheMachine  that constantly needs to be fed is another thing altogether. In fact, the HALV is so big, at this point, that it has taken on a life of it's own and appears to have no end.

Houston Astros: The Major League Baseball team for Houston. On the ascendency.

Houston Chronicle: 1. The former newspaper of record in Houston. 2. A chronicler of Houston history as told by progressives who make up a vast majority of the paper's staff. 3. A member of Houston's courtesan class who finally found a way to place an Editor as chair of a Pulitzer Prize committee which then awarded itself the prize. 4. THE place, in Houston, to find items that were cool around six months ago.

Houston Chronicle Editorial Board: A group (primarily Caucasian) who make up the newspapers appendix which has infected and needs to be surgically removed.

Houston City Council: Seemingly members of the ruling class who are actually courtesans but are ignorant of the fact.

Houston Complete Streets: An effort to convince Houstonians that what has worked successfully to this point is somehow totally incorrect. A refusal to accept reality. (and weather)

Houston Department of Public Works: Where the sidewalk(s) end.

Houston Dynamo: Houston's Minor League Soccer team the leadership of which convinced The Harris County Sports Authority and Houston Government to build them a play-palace in EaDo.

Houston First: Proof that good marketing is hard, and that there is very little of it in Houston.

Houston Government: A credit card that has reached it's max, is nearing default but which, amazingly, still seems to be accepting charges.

Houston Greenways Initiative: Something the unproductive class has created to pass the time between reimagining sessions.

Houston Housing Authority: Dysfunction masquerading as a government agency.

Houston Mayor: The titular head of the Houston ruling class whose primary function is to distribute the largesse of the taxpayers to preferred courtesans.

Houston METRO: Most importantly, NOT a transit organization. A development entity designed to inflate property values for developers who have made bets along proposed corridors.

Houston Oilers: Former National Football League team for Houston whose owner provided the template for running out of State to Texas Democrats. Bud Adams ran to Tennessee, the Democrats ran to Ardmore. It's unclear who is smarter.

Houston Press: A sad reminder that alt-media once existed in Houston.

Houston Pride: 1. (homosexual)A parade, now held downtown, in which the micro-aggressed take the opportunity to remind everyone that they are not only here, but queer.  And then something about getting used to it.  2. (political) The last refuge of the scoundrels in the ruling class.

In actuality, the Houston Pride Parade and Festival is one of the better organized events in the city. It is also one of the better attended protests in a city that does not typically do that type of thing well. It is the subject of much derision from the Harris County Republican Party however, mainly because a majority of their voters don't like it. It receives much support from Harris County Democrats and, as such, is really nothing more than a partisan event these days.  Colorful though.

Houston Rockets: Houston's National Basketball Association member whose most exciting moments occurred in the mid-90's.  This has allowed the owner to ride the good-will from those championships long past their expiration date.

Houston Texans: Replacement players while the Houston Oilers are on-strike in Tennessee. See also: Mediocre)

Houston Tomorrow: See Gulf Coast Institute.

Houston (University of): An institute of higher learning whose inferiority complex is only slightly smaller than that of it's namesake.

Houstonians: Citizens who reside within the city limits of Houston either through choice, or because they simply have no better option.

Houtopia: A whimsical version of Houston that does not, cannot, and will not ever exist.

The problem with Houtopia is that, like food deserts, it's definition is poorly defined and constantly changing. In reality, Houtopia is the search for world classiness by members of the ruling class.

Hyperlocal: Something media outlets pretend to be in between stories of crime in Chicago and reports if Jesus' image appearing on toast in Delaware.

The New (Revised) Houston Political Dictionary (Version 4.1.208) [Part Three]

G.

Gadfly: A fringe member of the courtesan class whose real ambition is to make it to the ruling class despite possessing no discernible talents whatsoever. (See: Jordy Hollett and Marty McVey for more)

Gaia: An idealized version of the planet earth viewed by environmentalists as the gold standard for Houtopia. A place that does not exist on either this plane of reality or any other.

Galveston: A city possessing a relatively mild climate where homeless people like to congregate.

Garbage: More prevalent, and of bigger concern, then most in City government would have you believe.

Gardens (Private): Places of refuge, often in one's back yard.

Gardens (Urban): Places of ridicule designed primarily to shame those who don't believe they are a worthy expenditure of tax dollars. Often sold as a method to fight food deserts.

Gas Giant: A local politician placed in front of a microphone.

Gas (Natural): A hydrocarbon extracted from the ground and sold, primarily to people in the Northeast who use it to then heat their homes. Also touted as a "bridge fuel" to a hydrocarbon free energy future, something that it is certainly not.

Gasoline: Often mistaken for gas by members of Houston's media it is in fact a refined product of oil. Calling gasoline gas and vice-versa only proves that someone wasn't paying attention in chemistry 101.

Gavel: The ideal symbol for government who considers itself a hammer of justice. Of course, this makes every citizen a nail.

Gay: 1. Happy or joyful.  2. Perpetually angry and aggrieved minority class who, despite being rather well-off financially as a whole, have invented a new class of civil rights for a new generation. (Also includes: LBTQ and sometimes P)

George Greanias: The triumph of connection over creepiness.

George H.W. Bush: Proof that history, age, and an unwillingness to engage in politics after leaving office can massage a moderately bad reputation.

George R. Brown Convention Center: Evidence that world classiness is a journey with no destination.

Govern: Something the ruling class enjoys trumpeting that they have the ability to do, despite proving daily that they do not.

Government: 1. (Classical Definition) A collection of elected representatives designed to function under strictly defined boundaries established by either (Federal) the Constitution of the United States of America, (Texas) The Texas State Constitution or (Houston) the Houston City Charter. 2. (Reality) A collection of both the ruling class and courtesans who feel that their main duty in life is to direct and control every aspect of the citizens lives in order to protect them from themselves.  3. (Abstract) A gavel. 4. (Houston) The inmates running the asylum.

Government Accountability Organizations: Groups that neither focus on good government or making it accountable. Proof that marketing is a powerful force.

In fact, GAO's rarely focus on the actual workings of government at all. In most cases they are partisan attack dogs who do the bidding of the ruling class in order to take down the opposition be that either the other political party or corporations who do not show due deference to their betters.

Greater Houston Partnership: Self-identifies as the largest business organization in Houston. In reality the GHP is Houston's biggest gathering place for the courtesan class and is perpetually carrying the water for members of local government especially on matters of increasing taxes on citizens.

Green: 1. A color that is a mixture of the primary colors blue and yellow. 2. The justification for an increasing variety of expenditures by government designed ostensibly to save Gaia but which really function to enrich preferred members of the courtesan class.

Grocery Stores: The store-fronts for private industries selling foodstuffs to citizens. Tax abatements to these businesses are seen as the ultimate solution to food deserts.

Gulf Coast Institute: Rebranded as Houston Tomorrow due to the propensity of their rather silly leader, David Crossley, to utter silly things, the GCI is dedicated to destroying pretty much everything that is unique about Houston itself. Made up primarily of the unproductive class the GCI is big on workshops and reimagining. Contributes nothing.

Gun Control: This, and homicide, are the two things that need to be eradicated to end murder, according to Sheila Jackson Lee.

Guns: Tools.

Gyros: A Greek pita-based sandwich that is enjoyed by many, and mispronounced by most. Occasionally done right in Houston but most often poorly executed.

The New (Revised) Houston Political Dictionary (Version 4.1.208) [Part Two]

D.

Danger Train: To date, the most effective method of removing personal motorized vehicles from Houston's roads ever invented by HoustonMetro.

Not in the way they intended of course. The fact is the Danger Train is so named because of its unique ability to run into, and damage, automobiles, pedestrians and cyclists to the point that they are unable to continue on.

Dan Patrick (King): Officially, the Lt. Governor of the State of Texas who happens to hail from the Houston area. Unofficially: The greatest example of political ego the State has ever seen.

Davis, Wendy (!!!): The Democratic Party of Texas' nominee to be their candidate for Texas Governor in 2014. Wearer of pink tennis shoes and viewed as the savior of the party at the State wide level. A special favorite of the courtesans.

Davis, Wendy (???): The loser of the 2014 race for Texas Governor who underperformed badly. This led to some mild soul-searching by the Democratic Party of Texas regarding the efficacy of Battleground Texas and their bench-strength at the state-wide level. Currently on an apology tour as she desperately tries to atone for her sins in hopes that she can again be a capable candidate for inclusion in the ruling class.

Debates (Political): "Oops."

Democratic (Party of Texas): A loose collection of aggrieved (based on self-perception) groups who continually vote for trinket governance above all other concerns.

Democratic (Process): Either the greatest part of the American Experiment ever invented or a scourge depending on how the citizens choose to vote on any given issue.

Demographics: Often miscast as destiny the used of demographics by the ruling class is solely a method for dividing and conquering the electorate as a whole.

Demagogue: A member of the ruling class whose sole talent is to use demographics and fear to consolidate power.

History is full of Demagogues, and they are always effective in the short run but run afoul of their own division in the long run. One of the favorite ploys of the courtesans is to mis-cast earnest candidates with whom they don't agree as McCarthyites. This is effective because McCarthy is the greatest American Demagogue that people still remember (albeit mostly incorrectly).

Deserts (Food): A poorly defined solution in search of a problem that might not exist.

Deserts (Transit): An intentional transit shortage in areas where the demographics are not a priority of the ruling class. Typically exist in neighborhoods where a majority of people are considered not desirable by New Urbanists and keeping them out of the Inner Core is to the benefit of the courtesans.

Development (Inner City): For the ruling class, this is viewed as the be-all, end-all of urban design and must be promoted at great length. This includes the generous application of tax abatements and TIRZ funding which are then used to create, mostly, luxury apartments for primarily well-to-do, Caucasian Progressives.

Development (Suburban): For the ruling class, the worst scar on Gaia since the advent of the Oil and Gas Industry. Something that must be stopped at all costs. 

Disability: The ruling class loves disabilities. They are especially enamored of them if they believe that there is a voting bloc that can be attained from them. They also like that disabled communities are especially prone to vote for candidates who offer trinket governance to their benefit.

Discovery Green: Trinket Governance brought to it's logical conclusion: A dog-park for the relatively well off. An esplanade within which is the only real surviving legacy of Bill White.

Dishonesty: When filling out an application to become a candidate, dishonesty is the first requirement for consideration.

Diversity: Often miscast as a means to an end the best diversity is that which grows organically without interference, and heavy-handedness, from the ruling class. True diversity is a wonder to behold and leads to great societal gains. Forced diversity is typically fraught with unintended consequences which require more interference by the ruling class which creates even more unintended consequences, these even worse than before, which convinces the ruling class that the only fix is to become even more involved in crafting a solution.

Doughnuts: Processed, refined carbohydrates whose over ingestion leads to health problems such as obesity and diabetes.

The problem with doughnuts lies not with the doughnut itself. Consumed in moderation they are perfectly acceptable food stuffs which make a tasty breakfast food. The problem is when citizens over-romanticize them and elevate them to cult status. Much like the barbecue wars, doughnut wars are territorial, and the proponents of each individual brand are extremely tribal in nature.


E.

EaDo: Long version: East Downtown. (Houston). Officially the end of creativity on the part of Houston's New Urbanist groups.  The most blatant rip-off of New York since Discovery Green.

Ed Emmett: The current County Judge for Harris County whose lone goal during his last, announced, term in office is to ensure that the Astrodome is not demolished on his watch. At one time, a fiscal conservative.

Editorial Board (Houston Chronicle): 1. A group, lacking diversity itself, which constantly chides other organizations on their lack of diversity. 2. A stunning misuse of dwindling resources at the Houston Chronicle.

Education System: See Academia.

The goal of the Texas Education system has long stopped having anything to do with teaching children and has morphed into sustaining the funding of the system itself. That this is a problem is not something that has yet registered to either the ruling class or the courtesans. Sure, there is a vague idea that the State system is foisting a coddled mess of functional idiots into the workplace but, as long as the teacher pensions stay secure, they are quite happy doing nothing about it.

Elder Statesmen: The deification of which is proof of the fallacy that longevity equals expertise.

Electorate: Not as broadly defined as citizens, the electorate are those who actually cast a vote. During campaign season the ruling class values the vote of the electorate very much, but still maintains a healthy disdain for the electorate itself. The actual power of the electorate is difficult to determine since it does not often act rationally or in an informed manner.

Elité: Those who are sought out by the ruling class.

In truth, there are few members of this actual group but many in the courtesan class think they are a member. True members of the elite are courted to by the ruling class who are hoping to gain either their endorsement or an imprimatur for their ideas. Very seldom will you find these people in the public eye.

Experts: Hint: They usually aren't.


F.

Fabrication: Campaign advertisements.

Fallacies (Logical): The creation of which are considered prudent and necessary to the maintenance of the ruling class' power.

Fantasy: The genre of fiction that many members of the ruling class pull their ideas from.

Fiscal Conservatism: A term only applicable during a campaign in which a candidate is trying to convince the electorate that they will not pillage the treasury to fund projects outside of the scope of the voters' will. Has no meaningful application in the actual function of politics.

Fiscal Mess: The inevitable result of decades of trinket governance.

Fiscal Sanity: A myth.

Free: A word that has two meanings, neither of which is true.

1. "Free" when used by the ruling class is meant to convey to the electorate that the trinket governance being promised by the candidate will come without cost. This is neither true or even possible since someone, somewhere, has to pay for everything.

2. "Free" when used by citizens is implied to mean that they possess freedom. This means that they operate in their day to day lives fairly freely from the mechanisms of government and that they alone control their individual destines to the relative exclusion of the State. However, since even the right to property and property ownership are now subject to the whims of ad valorem taxes free as a concept is officially dead.

Because both of these definitions are patently false, the word 'free' can be construed as something only useful in propaganda.

Freedom:  See Free.

Freedom of Information Act: A means by which the foxes guarding the henhouse grant the illusion of security to the chickens.

Fun: In excess, frowned upon generally by the ruling class. (Unless they are having it.)

The New (Revised) Houston Political Dictionary (Version 4.1.208) [Part One]

Since Houston has just passed through another "key" election cycle I think it's time to update the truly old Houston Political Dictionary to reflect the new political realities within the city.  If you've not been previously exposed to this it's probable that a small explanation is in order.

First, this is NOT a dictionary. It's a satirical dictionary in the tradition of Voltaire and Samuel Johnson. Nor should it be inferred that the definitions included below are accurate at any future time other then when I wrote them down.  Nor is this intended to be an all-encompassing look at Houston Politics, but a snap-shot of Houston's political landscape as it stands right now. 

Items in italics will be defined elsewhere.

So, without further ado.....


A.

Academia: A self-perpetuating lie whose only goal in life is to create a false-need for more academia.

It is important not to confuse academia with academics as the two have little in common.

Access: Politicians love to talk about access in abstract but rarely try to grant it in practice. Becoming "a part" of the political system means casting your vote for them and shutting up afterwards. Inconveniences such as FOIA requests or public meetings are considered passé by the ruling class and are annoyances to be avoided by the dual mechanisms of inconvenient scheduling of public meetings and high fees.  It is important to note that access suffers from the duality of being "promised for all" at the voting booth but is actually granted to only the courtesans of the ruling class when the actual workings of government are concerned.

Accommodation, Special: See: HER Ordinance

Ad Valorem: Your property taxes.  Which will continue to increase as long as the State's crazy appraisal system is allowed to continue.

Adrian Garcia: Increasingly, Sheila Jackson Lee's lap-dog.  Garcia was, recently, the Democrat holding the highest elected office in Harris County.  He threw all of that away for an ill-fated run to be Houston Mayor and is now saddled with running against Democratic (Caucasian) Congressman Gene Green, for the District 29th seat. Garcia is doing this because he is now beholden to Ms. Jackson-Lee and must follow her lead to repair the damage him leaving office to challenge Sylvester Turner has caused him.

Annise Parker:

1. The outgoing Mayor of Houston who, famously, was the first "Lesbian elected Mayor of a major metropolitan city". This has repeatedly been held up as proof of Houston's Diversity and World Classiness and is used repeatedly as a cudgel to beat over the heads of anyone who dare mentions that Ms. Parker's actual governance of the City was historically pretty bad.

2. A new descriptor for messing up the wording on legislation and/or ballot language.  Example:

"Boy, they really "Annise Parkered" that bill. It's so bad the courts are requiring they rewrite it."

Appraisals: Guesses based on scant information treated as Gospel Truth by the ruling class.

Astrodome: The victory of romanticism over historical accuracy.

Seemingly EVERYONE has a "Dome Memory" which doesn't involve the aging hulk being a nightmare to get to, a rather sterile venue and containing a playing surface that turned the elbows of those who played on it into ground beef.  Despite it's many problems, NRG stadium and Minute Maid Park are MUCH better sports venues for their respective teams than was the multi-purpose Dome.  Yet Houston, a town who's suddenly decided that getting stuck in the past is better than moving forward, has discovered that doing the humane thing and tearing the old girl down is something that no-one wants on their resume. That the biggest supporters of keeping the structure standing are feral cats should surprise no one.

Astroturf: 1.) A horrid idea for a playing field on which athletic contests could be held indoors. 2.) A meaningless political term when one side of the ruling class wishes to ignore the outrage of citizens on the side of the other.


B.

Battleground Texas:  Proof that, in Texas politics, failure can equal success if the bar is set low enough.

Bayou City: The worst, and least accurate, nickname for a city who can't seem to settle on one.

Beautification: An excuse for the ruling class to spend large amounts of taxpayer monies in order to partake in trinket governance in an effort to buy votes.

Beer: Victory Gin given increased appeal due to the rise of the locavore movement.

Bill Frazer: See Bill King

Bill King: The latest in a long list of center-right hopefuls for public office to be undone by the relatively weak ground-game of the Harris County Republican Party.

Bill White: The victory of historical perspective over fact.

During Bill White's term as Mayor he had what were, at the time, considered to be long-term successes.  Fast forward to today and almost all of them are gone.  SAFEClear? Shuttered. His "fix" for the pension system? Just a kicking of the can down the road. But the Bill White Administration is viewed fondly despite their being a dearth of actual long-term successes. Part of this is because the administration of Lee P. Brown before White and Annise Parker after him were so horrid. By comparison he seems OK.

Blogs: A failed experiment in citizen journalism that fell under the weight of the inherent need of political bloggers to be granted an audience by the ruling class.

There was a time, in Houston believe it or not, when the political blogosphere exerted some influence regarding the goings-on at City Hall. Bill White, during his push for city-wide, free, Wi-Fi, held a blogger conference call to attempt to drum up support. What happened next was a case study in how not to sustain a movement.  As both the Republicans and Democrats realized that there was a free pool of publicity existing in the blogosphere they started inviting bloggers to conventions and other official events where campaign staffers and candidates provided bloggers with attention and showered them with praise.  What this meant is that the blogosphere morphed from citizen journalism to house organs for their respective political parties. In effect, the old Houston blogosphere was consumed by TheMachine.

Bond Elections: Rubber stamps for spending priorities of the ruling class due to interest by TheMachine.

Budgets: More guidelines than rules. Mundane fiscal policy that have been turned into moral documents by failed members of the ruling class such as Chris Bell.

Buffalo Bayou: Exhibit A for Houston's inferiority complex.

When you think of how the ruling class views Buffalo Bayou it only makes sense if you run it through the prism of the San Antonio Riverwalk.  Houston desperately wants a destination in the central core of the city that has an air of world classiness about it and, for now, Buffalo Bayou is the torch-bearer.  It is a sentimental replacement for Discovery Green, The Museum District and The Theatre District in the hearts and minds of those who envision a Houston that simply doesn't exist.

Burglary: A crime, of property, that is only illegal when performed by citizens, but it entirely legal when performed by the ruling class.

Bus Rapid Transit: A mass transit solution that satisfies no one, but is listed as a critical need despite all evidence to the contrary.


C.

Campaign: Legalized, political prostitution.

Campaign Finances: The true, and only, measure of success by which members of the ruling class judge one another.

Campaign Finance Reform: The fox, guarding the henhouse.

Campaign Staff: Poorly compensated sycophants. Often receiving far less in wages than their chosen member of the ruling class campaigns on in regards to the minimum wage.

Campaign Volunteers: Sycophants whose skill level is so basic as to not rise to the level considered worthy of compensation

Candidate(s): Aspirants to the ruling class whose worthiness is not determined by the quality of their policy and ideas but by their connections to the current ruling class itself. Prostitutes by trade.

Example: Marty McVey, who was a fringe candidate for Houston Mayor (he received less than 1% of the vote) who was treated as a top-tier candidate by the Houston Chronicle (a main courtesan in Houston) simply because he knew, and was connected to via patronage by some members of the current ruling class. 

Caucasian: "The" Man. Unless the Caucasian in question is a progressive, then they are not "The" Man but are a solution to a Minority Problem that has usually not yet been properly identified but for which "The" Man has identified a costly government solution.

Chris Bell: Perennial Candidate. (Some things never change)

Chris P. Brown: Further proof that qualification and success are outweighed in local politics by membership in TheMachine.

Chris Brown recently won election as Houston Controller over Bill Frazer despite his only qualifications being that a.) he has been around for a while, and was a member of the crew that caused the current fiscal mess and b.) he had a (D) behind his name.

Chris Tomlinson: Carpetbagger.

City Hall: Technically, a building in Downtown Houston which serves as the physical seat of power for municipal government. In reality, City Hall is a construct created by TheMachine which grants itself great power over the lives of citizens who have very little input, by design, regarding the decisions made surrounding their day to day lives.

Citizens: But for them, the ruling class and courtesans would like Houston very much.

Cognitive Dissonance: Necessary for the application of political power. Without it the entire system crumbles.

Common Sense: A de-facto admission that one is not all that smart.  Common sense is neither common, or containing much actual sense. Claiming to possess it is akin to claiming no special knowledge whatsoever.

Conservative: Antiquated phrase to describe a member of the political class whose proclivities in governance leaned toward a reduction in power of the ruling class. Now mainly used as a tool in the sale of prostitution by candidates who wish to join the ruling class but who with to hide that from the electorate. (See also: liberal)

Core, Inner: The most important area of the City of Houston. Mainly because there is a LOT of political money invested in it.

Courtesans: An ever-expanding group of people who derive their sense of self-worth from the attention, or lack thereof, they are paid by the ruling class.

The idea of the courtesan class extends far back into ancient times.  Back then there were known as the "royal court" or, by a cruder name, prostitutes. While it's easy to use the more crude version of the name to describe these people in reality what they do is less honorable than the world's oldest profession.  The Courtesan class, which includes lobbyists, socialites, media, party-bloggers and other political hangers-on, exists only as a reflection of the ruling class to which they have pledged fealty.

It is important to note that the courtesan class, in and of itself, wields no special, or inherent, powers but serves only to flatter the ruling class and provide a rubber stamp for their decisions. This is why the media, especially in modern times, rarely finds a political solution to a problem (either real or imagined) that they cannot support. It is why many party-bloggers move allegiances from politician to politician, depending on who has extended their hand most recently allowing them to kiss their ring.

It is the nature of the courtesans to seek favors, and to do this they are willing to throw their fellow citizens under the bus repeatedly, depending on how big the favor is. The courtesan class is very keen on citing experts to back up their opinion, repeatedly ignoring those who disagree with their chosen ruling class patron in often humorous displays of cognitive dissonance. Identification of the courtesan class can be difficult, if not impossible, given that they are often unaware that they themselves are members.

Critical Need: Anything, or anyone, that the ruling class believes can be leveraged to their advantage. Especially useful during campaign season.

Cycling: A mode of transportation, popular in the early 20th century, that has been revamped, given a good scrubbing by New Urbanists, removed from the modern realm of recreation and positioned as a key part of transportation planning. Not to be confused with actual transportation, or workable in 90% of Houston's weather patterns.